According to the 2003 National Alliance for Caregiving/AARP National Caregiver Survey, at least 44.4 million adults provide the care that is so critical in helping friends and loved ones with debilitating illnesses remain in their homes and other community settings. It is estimated that 80 percent of all care received by older Americans is provided by family members - spouses, children, grandchildren and other relatives - people just like you. The Office of Senior Affairs supports you by providing this quarterly update about issues related to caregiving. Each quarter we will highlight one of the "Caregiver Survival Tips" published by the Administration on Aging. Net of Care (www.netofcare.org) offers the following suggestions about accepting help.
Tip #2: Learn About Available Resources
Tip #3: TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME
Tip #4: Develop Contingency Plans
TIP #5: Accept Help
TIP #6: Make Your Health a Priority
TIP #7: Get Enough Rest and Eat Properly
TIP #8: Make Time For Leisure
TIP #9: Be Good to Yourself
TIP #10: Share Your Feelings with Others
TIP #11: New Year’s Resolutions for Caregivers
Tip #1: Plan Ahead
When caring for an elderly relative, “surprises” can cause extra stress. Some surprises will happen. But planning ahead for some situations can help reduce stress. For example, making a family calendar with doctor appointments, social activities, vacations, etc. can help. Plan ahead -- this may help you find other family members who can help the senior get to the desired destination.
Make sure you don’t stretch yourself too thin by having to be in two places at once – or by scheduling too many errands or appointments in the same day. Your loved one will tire easily, and so will you!
Planning ahead lets you identify and choose resources to help you care for your loved one. It also gives you time to make the necessary applications and arrangements with the provider you choose. Planning errands and household chores can help you make the most of the precious time that you have.
One more thing: plan some time for YOU – to take care of YOU!! Even if it’s just an hour or two, it’s important to take a regular break from the stress of caregiving. See a movie. Have lunch with a friend. Sit on the porch and read a book. Take a walk in a nearby park.
Click on the “Resources” link of our website for more information about caregiving.
For information about resources in the community, call our Information and Referral Program at (770) 322-2950. We’ll be glad to help!
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Tip #2: Learn About Available Resources
“Knowledge is Power!”
One way to help prevent burnout is to learn about available resources to help you in the important job of caregiving.
Knowing that you need help – and that help is available -- is the first step. Is there specific information that you need? Or, are you overwhelmed and not sure where to start?
There are community resources available to help with providing direct care in the home and to provide respite -- time for you to get away and take care of yourself.
Support groups help you feel like you are not alone in caring for a friend or relative. Often you will hear practical suggestions about specific challenges you face.
Information is also available to help with financial planning, understanding Medicare and Medicaid, and sometimes to help with the cost of medicine and supplies.
Click on the “Resources” link of our website for more information about caregiving.
For information about resources in the community, call our Information and Referral Program at (770) 322-2950. We’ll be glad to help!
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Tip #3: TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME
According to the 2005 “Caregiving in the US” survey conducted by the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, the average length of time caregivers provide care is 4.3 years. That’s about 1,570 days! Older caregivers are more likely to have provided care for 10 years or more, usually for their parent or spouse. That’s about 3,650 days!
It’s easy to get overwhelmed thinking that far ahead. That’s why it’s important for caregivers to live “just for today”.
Planning ahead and learning about available resources will help you focus just on today. Future caregiving tips will also help you do this. But in spite of our planning, life still happens! That’s why it’s essential for you to take care of yourself by doing the best you can with the resources available – TODAY!
Some days are more challenging than others. It might help to break those days down into 1 hour at a time (“I’ll be able to take a short break at 9:30”) or 1 task at a time (“When I finish changing the bed, mother will take a nap”).
By focusing on today and doing your best today, you have a better chance of coping with tomorrow.
Click on the “Resources” link of our website for more information about caregiving.
For information about resources in the community, call the DeKalb Senior Link Line at (770) 322-2950. We’ll be glad to help!
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Tip #4: Develop Contingency Plans
Last quarter, we suggested planning ahead. But John Lennon once wrote: “Life is what happens while you are making other plans.”
We oversleep. The car doesn’t start. The bus is late. Mother doesn’t feel well. Lots of things can “go wrong.” And, when things happen – when life happens – in spite of our planning, we feel stress.
One tip to reduce the stress of care giving is to make contingency plans. In other words, it’s important to plan for the “what if”.
Once you’ve figured out what action is needed and you have developed a plan to get it done, think about what might “go wrong” and think of a “back up” plan of action. If my car won’t start, who can take Mother to the doctor? If I have to work late, who can fix dinner for Grandpa?
Consider writing down the back-up plan and putting it someplace where you can easily find it. Don’t forget to make sure other people who are part of the back-up plan are clear about what they are being asked to do and will be available.
Life will still happen. But developing a contingency plan can help you “go with the flow.”
Click on the “Resources” link of our website for more information about caregiving.
For information about resources in the community, call the DeKalb Senior Link Line at 770-322-2950. We’ll be glad to help
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Tip #5: Accept Help
“No man (or woman) is an island”. This is especially true when caring for an elderly relative. We can’t do it alone!
When people have asked if they can be of help to you, how often have you said, “Thanks, but I’m fine.” Many times we don’t know how to use the goodwill of others and are reluctant to ask for help. We don’t want to “burden” others or admit that we can’t handle everything ourselves.
People want to help! It is up to YOU to tell them how.
Be prepared with a mental list of ways that others can help. Here are some examples: taking the person you care for on a short walk a few times a week, picking up a few groceries for you, helping fill out medical or financial papers, stay with the person you care for while you go to the beauty shop. It’s easier for people to help when you can give them simple ideas that will make a difference.
Help is available from community resources, friends, family, your faith community, and professionals. Don’t wait until you are overwhelmed or exhausted, or your health fails.
Asking for help is a sign of personal strength, not weakness. People are willing to help and enjoy helping. Ask them!
Click on the “Resources” link of our website for more information about caregiving.
For information about resources in the community, call the DeKalb Senior Link Line at 770-322-2950. We’ll be glad to help!
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Tip #6: Make Your Health a Priority
Have you ever heard the expression “this car is so empty it’s running on fumes”? It’s an indication that the driver hasn’t put sufficient fuel in the car to keep it running properly or safely.
Caregiving is a lot like that. Despite our good intentions, we try to keep caring for others while neglecting our own health. Like the car, we’ll eventually run out of gas.
A 1997 Family Caregiving Survey reports that 43% of caregivers have less time for other family members or have given up vacations, hobbies, or other interests in order to provide care. 15% of caregivers say they have suffered physical or mental health problems as a result of caregiving and 25% say caregiving is emotionally stressful. The numbers go higher as the needs of the care recipient increase.
Caregivers have higher incidences of headaches, gastro-intestinal problems, insomnia, and depression. They are at higher risk of heart disease, infections, and alcohol and drug abuse.
It’s important to make YOUR health a priority. Here are some suggestions from the Family Caregiver Alliance:
- Learn and use stress-reduction techniques
- Attend to your own healthcare needs
- Get proper rest and nutrition
- Exercise regularly – walking is a great exercise!
- Take time off without feeling guilty
- Participate in hobbies or activities that interest and nurture you
- Seek and accept the support of others
Click on the “Resources” link of our website for more information about caregiving.
For information about resources in the community, call the DeKalb Senior Link Line at 770-322-2950. We’ll be glad to help!
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Tip #7: Get Enough Rest and Eat Properly
Taking care of an elderly relative can affect your health, even if you didn’t have previous medical problems. Not taking care of yourself can wear you down and lead to fatigue, illness, or injury. If you become ill, who will take care of your loved one?
Getting enough rest
Waking up in the middle of the night? Getting up early and going to bed late? Staying up all night with someone who can’t sleep? These can cause exhaustion. Sleep restores your body and mind, so plenty of rest is important. Here are some tips to help you rest:
- Try to schedule your sleep around their sleeping pattern
- Rest when you get tired
- Avoid caffeine before bedtime or naptime
- Get outside help for evenings if you can’t sleep because of providing care
- Ask a friend or family member to stay over and care for your loved one so you can get some uninterrupted sleep
Eating Properly
It’s easy to “forget” to eat, or to grab a quick snack or fast food on the run. But your body needs proper fuel to keep you going. Here are some tips for eating properly:
- Eat well-balanced meals as often as you can
- Cut down on fatty foods, sugar, and alcoholic beverages
- Eat healthy snacks between meals – fruit, vegetables, yogurt, etc.
- Drink plenty of water (6-8 glasses per day)
- Avoid too much caffeine (soda, coffee, and tea)
Click on the “Resources” link of our website for more information about caregiving.
For information about resources in the community, call the DeKalb Senior Link Line at 770-322-2950. We’ll be glad to help!
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Tip #8: Make Time for Leisure
Often when caring for someone else, we focus most of our attention on that loved one. But, there’s an important sense in which “IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU!”
After all, if you don’t take care of you, who will care for your loved one? And, who will take care of you, for that matter!
An AARP Family Caregiving Study reports that more than 40% of caregivers report their caregiving responsibilities have caused them to have less time with family members than before. About 40% of caregivers also report giving up vacations, hobbies, or other activities.
If you are a caregiver, “Today’s Caregiver” magazine encourages you to take charge of your life and to continue doing things you find pleasurable or relaxing. It cautions that if a loved one’s disability always takes center stage instead of your needs, you will become a resentful caregiver. That’s not good for anybody!
It’s important to let go – laugh, exercise and relax (not necessarily in that order). Laughter is truly the best medicine. And exercise helps relax muscles, relieves pain, and boosts the immune system.
Here are some suggestions for making time for leisure:
- Laugh – rent a funny movie
- Go for a walk
- Discover (or rediscover) a hobby – gardening, knitting, whittling – anything that’s fun and creative for you
- Relax – listen to soothing music, take a relaxing bath, or enjoy a relaxing hobby or spend time with a good friend
Click on the “Resources” link of our website for more information about caregiving.
For information about resources in the community, call the DeKalb Senior Link Line at 770-322-2950. We’ll be glad to help!
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Tip #9: Be Good to Yourself
When care giving, we need to be our own best friends!
Previous tips from the Caregiver Corner have addressed different ways to take care of your self:
- Making YOUR health a priority
- Getting enough rest and eating properly
- Making time for leisure
- Reducing (or quitting) smoking
- Limiting alcohol and caffeine consumption
Research has shown that caregivers with lower levels of stress make better caregivers. So it’s important to find ways to reduce stress. One way is through physical activity – walking, doing yard work, and other activities. Various spiritual paths can help reduce stress, such as yoga, meditation, or attending an organized religious event.
Another way to be good to yourself is to find small ways to pamper yourself – and they don’t have to be expensive. Curling up with a good book, taking a bubble bath or relaxing shower, or making a nice dinner are a few examples. Or, try a massage or facial, or a trip to the beauty parlor or barber shop. Discover (or rediscover) old hobbies such as gardening or woodworking.
Lastly, be good to yourself by being realistic about what you are able to do. This is not the time to be Superman or Superwoman. Accept your limitations and let others help. Remind yourself about the wonderful help you are giving a loved one. Make a list of the things you are grateful for.
Click on the “Resources” link of our website for more information about caregiving.
For information about resources in the community, call the DeKalb Senior Link Line at 770-322-2950. We’ll be glad to help!
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Tip #10: Share Your Feelings with Others
Have you ever used or seen a tea kettle?
You put water in it and turn on the stove. When the water gets to its boiling point it begins to turn into steam. The higher the flame, the faster steam is produced. The air in the kettle escapes while the water boils to steam. The whistle lets you know the water is hot.
Like the tea kettle, the pressures of providing care to a loved one can increase until we reach our “boiling point”. We have to “let off steam”.
Our feelings are messages we need to listen to because they help us understand what is happening to us. Even “negative” or painful emotions give us clues to what is going on. Anger, sadness, fear, guilt are natural feelings that appear from time to time – and sometimes hang around for a while.
Rather than denying our feelings, we can learn from them and take appropriate action. It is important – even essential – to share our feelings with others. It’s easy to think that nobody feels like us or nobody knows what we’re going through.
Sharing our feelings with others helps us know that we are not alone. Friends or family can support us. Professionals – a counselor or clergy – can provide guidance and resources. And support groups can share their experience, strength and hope about their own caregiving.
Did you know a kettle can be made to boil so gently that the whistle doesn’t get enough steam to whistle? By sharing our feelings with others, we can let off our own steam and keep from reaching our boiling point.
Click on the “Resources” link of our website for more information about caregiving.
For information about resources in the community, call the DeKalb Senior Link Line at 770-322-2950. We’ll be glad to help!
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Tip #11: New Year’s Resolutions for Caregivers
Many of us make resolutions to carry us into the new year. As a caregiver, the new year is a great time to set new goals for oneself. Assist Guide Information Services has compiled a list of Top Ten Resolutions for Caregivers. Choose 2 or 3 of them (or make up your own) to help you become a happier and healthier caregiver in the New Year!
- Delegate – make a list of activities you can use help with
- Create a Family CareGroup – organize the people who help you (or could help you) into a care group to pitch in with help or just to listen
- Get enough rest – what can you cut out or delegate to make sure you get 7 to 8 hours of sleep at night?
- Make and keep your doctor appointments – especially preventive care appointments
- Be kind to yourself – remind yourself each day that you are doing your best for your loved one and your family
- Take 5, 10, 15, or more – do at least one thing you enjoy every day
- Learn about local resources
- Get papers organized – make sure you know where your loved one’s personal papers are and that their wishes for medical treatment and advanced directives are known and written down
- Plan for your own future – the Area Agency on Aging has resources to help you plan ahead
- Give thanks to people who have helped you care for your loved one; it may encourage more help in the year ahead
Click on the “Resources” link of our website for more information about caregiving.
For information about resources in the community, call the DeKalb Senior Link Line at 770-322-2950. We’ll be glad to help!
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Tip #12: New Year’s Resolutions for Family & Friends of Caregivers
Last quarter we listed some New Year’s Resolutions for Caregivers from “Assist Guide Information Services”. This quarter, we are highlighting Top Ten Resolutions for Family and Friends of Caregivers – those who provide vital support and encouragement for those caring for a family member. Choose 2 or 3 of them (or make up your own) to help you become more supportive in the New Year!
- Go beyond one-time help – find repeat ways to help the caregiver in your life such as mowing the yard or preparing a meal once a week.
- Help with family meetings – these keep everyone working together. You can offer to help set up the meeting or bring refreshments.
- Provide emotional support – set up a weekly time to call or visit your caregiving friend to provide support and encouragement.
- Establish a weekly practice – try to find one activity you can do every week for the caregiver – be sure to get their input about what would be helpful!
- Cold, hard cash – if you can’t be there in person, offer to help pay for a sitter or other expenses of providing care.
- Get your own house in order – give some thought about how you’ll pay for your own care and begin to put your plan in place.
- Vacation – help pay for or arrange a vacation for the caregiver – even a night or two away can make a big difference.
- Research community help – often caregivers don’t have time to find out what resources are available to help. Research what services are available in your community to support caregivers.
- Help with home safety – doing (or arranging for) a home safety inspection and helping with minor repairs will help make the home safer and bring peace of mind for the caregiver.
- Be an exercise buddy – regular exercise does wonders to reduce a caregiver’s stress level. Commit to going for a regular walk, or finding a hobby (like gardening) with your family member or friend.
Click on the “Resources” link of our website for more information about caregiving.
For information about resources in the community, call the DeKalb Senior Link Line at 770-322-2950. We’ll be glad to help!
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